your world

o.. dear
your time has come, and you should not be afraid
o.. dear
your time to speak, and let the world listen
o.. dear
you wasting so much time wondering, but you wondering in silent
o.. dear
you're nothing but a bird in cage, you may have wings but it brings you nowhere.

you still here, encircled by your own fantasy. 

demand and responsibility

we're not take thing for granted or for free. there's always mutual exchanged. 

you get something, you should give another thing. i think this principle is apply in all aspect of human life. 

even in human and god relation, you pray then you'll have place in heaven, you do good deeds then you get another ticket to heaven, perhaps.

since we're born the responsibility of being human also arise. being a good person. 

actually, what i see. human tendency demand rights rather than fulfilling responsibility. it's easy right, to demand. but hard to do your work. i do feel so. 

now, i think demand should balance with fulfillment of obligation. in this sense, if i want more, i have to work harder. i should consider my capacity also. how to balance all of these things. the only answer for now is patient and work harder no matter what the result.

good luck for final test this semester  and happy new year. 

what the hell 'eichinodaisy' ?

why i named this blog eichoinodaisy ?

it's actually from different abbreviation  '' e-ichi-no-daisy ''

''e'' means eci which is my nickname

''ichi'' is japanese for one , one is mean number one which is good

''no'' means those above are not my legal name

''daisy'' is my actual name 

if those combine together, i'm not sure it would be a proper sentence or even meaning. but i think '' eichinodaisy'' quite sound japanese. whatever . screw the meaning, screw the sentence. i like that word. 

it is not you, it's destiny

There's always 2 possibilities, good luck or bad luck in life . I classified myself is the lucky one. I'm not that diligent, I'm not that religious, I'm not that smart. but I think life is being nice to me. thanks for that life!

being lucky is not that mean I get everything what I want, but being lucky is I got sort of like direction of life, that lead to good things. 

when I get back to the memories of my childhood, I remember how I was having a good times even my mom didn't buy me an expensive barbie or playstation or when me and my family were sleep in free second hand bed, or when my father were ride an old motorcycle to pick me up. I think, I'm lucky enough, that life teach me how to grateful for what I have. and I don't sorry for that, because the most important thing I have a wonderful life with a warm family. 

even I feel lucky enough doesn't mean disappointment never happen. I'm kindda have a confident problem because sometime I feel not good enough, but as time goes by, and I'm growing older, I could control that. but actually what make me feel good bout my self is that, when I fail in something , life transfer me to another direction and it fits me. that's how life happen. we don't know what would be good for ourselves. it's destiny who knows. 

When I was about to enter collage, I'm not that diligent. study hard to go to state's university, I prefer something easy, so I was not take the test to enter national university its something called 'SNMPTN' . I only took several test for private university and apply for university in malaysia, I was accepted. but, several days later my mom found an advertisment about one of  state's national university offer an international program in law studies. I never imagine in my life before I would studying law, but now I really grateful studying law there , which lead to a great experience. Now, I'm in debating club, experiences in competitions. now, I able to speak in front of people which before I was not even able to give speech more than 3 minutes .

also now, I'm in maritime arbitration moot court team that would compete in brisbane next year. somehow, someway, its always better and better. now, it's time to work hard, and do my best. 

between feminist and conservative

if I have to choose between being feminist that believe in the idea of gender equality or being conservative that stick with the idea of  men is more stronger than women. I dont know how to choose.  probably  women and men basicly different in the appearance ( I dont have to describe it right?) how we should force them to be equal in any circumstances. man cannot feel the pain of giving birth. some job, perhaps women can, men can't or the other way. I cant mention all of them but, it's there.

Society stigma that implement in the exercise of culture or even religion sometimes over ruled the role of women and men. how men supposed to do, how women supposed to do. I dont know why they make limitation or separation, probably to avoid such a thing like men acted like women  or sexual disorientation. sometimes is good, how it could avoid number of homosexual, then girls doesnt have to worried about their partner having affair with another man, which is not cool.

this world getting scary, crazy. everyone has crossed the line. the bounder is blur. rationality too. ah I dont know, stayin in conservative also sucks, women stay at home, cook, please her family, or whatever. but , perhaps that's better than acceptance to new paradigm of world.

Sweet escape

pernah merasakan ingin lari dari suatu hal. ya, pasti pernah. cape juga rasanya langsung menyelesaikan dan memaafkan atau meminta maaf saat itu juga. emang sih lebih cepat lebih baik, tapi apakah yang cepat itu tulus. that's exactly what happen to me, I try to let a problem become no problem, although it was not. It was really sucks. kayak menanam sampah, yang semakin hari semakin banyak dan makin busuk. ya, It was me.

what happened is that me was freakin out  like a  nuts. It happened. a lot. ya, mungkin ini dikarenakan aku juga orang yang sedikit aneh dalam ekspres perasaan, jadinya , marah-marah, ngamuk ga jelas. melarikan diri dari masalah. hah.

melarikan diri ga masalah. asalkan ada tenggang waktunya. kita ga bisa larut dalam ideas didalam otak yang ga mau masalah padahal punya possibility jadi masalah yang lebih besar lagi.
the only way yang bisa membantu menenangkan diri emang cuma kopi. It like taste your own problem, bitter. tetapi melegakan. Im glad , setiap tegukannya menghasilkan ketegaran dan kenyamanan. melegakan. coffee is heaven! 

Life Path

When God already give second chance to you to live, means that God have a bigger plan to you. I know, He plan something better. something good to get me closer to Him, then I realize that I only weak human being that feel the emptiness then come to God, pray. such a pathetic person and still think that I have  nothing in my life, I have nothing to proud of. I forgot, what for do I'm still live, what for I'm still here. why couldn't I just be thankful and work harder. I know, I can do that. but for fact I totally emotionally disabled. my body couldn't do what  I should.

there's some path that I have to get through before I move on to next level of life. If I could't pass this. I can't move on. It's a simple logic if you play video games or whatever. but, it's freak me out. me, afraid for "what if" that play around my mind. then I just can't move, how could I jump to upper level if I never start the games. too afraid. too safe. In life, we could't take only the good things and left bad things all behind. when we're ready to start,then we have to ready for all the possibilities. 

Perhaps the emptiness of soul fill me with sorrow or what they called "kegalauan" , then I realized that all the worship that I've done only touch the surface, not go deeper. how it only be a burden. I know, I have been lost my way in life journey.now, I have to find way back, way back to be thankful for all the greatest gift from God, life, family, friends, and everyone close to me. I'm not the one that suffer the most hazardous problem in the world, I'm not the poor girl that have no family. or I'm not person that born with disabilities.  I'm lucky, I know. I have family that always financially and emotionally support me. 

with a little consciousness from my deepest soul and realizing all gift in my life. I have nothing to worry about. move on. wake up. all I need is the light become faded as well as my sorrow raised, light to enjoy the greatest peace in heart as you pray. light that you feel that I have the Most Merciful to lean on. take back all the light and save in the most secure place in my heart. keep it forever, and I'm ready to face the world.

história de Macau

 Macau, ya. negara kecil yang airportnya pinggir laut. rata-rata penumpang ke sana ras yang pulang kampung, ya saya merasa minoritas. whatever, yang terjadi setelah nyampe ke negara kecil ini. proses imigrasi yang cukup cepat, dan cek bagasi pas keluar, disamperin anjing putih gede yang mengendus-endus ke koper. untung saya ga lari liat itu anjing. 


well, menyenangkan bisa ke negara yang ga pake bahasa english, melayu, or even arab. it's a new new things for me. syukur hotel bagus, tempat tidur enak. nah cari makan yang susah. ga menjamin makanan ga ada babinya. akhirnya hari pertama makan di kopitiam malaysia dengan menu "mie mamak goreng" . itu jadi reatoran favorit kita sampe pernah satu malam, kita pulang jam 11an, laper, pengen makan disitu dan ternyata uda tutup tapi pintunya setengah tutup, kita maksa. pokoknya harus makan mie mamak. akhirnya kita jongkok di depan pintu dan salah 1 dari kita mengemis-ngemis ke dalam, minta ke tukang masaknya. 
      teman 1 : please.. we're really hungry,, just for us please (pegang perut) 
      mbak pelayan : sorry we're close , come again tomorrow 
      teman 1 : pleaseee , hungry ..
      mbak pelayan : sorry (kembali ke ruang masak)
aku dan teman 2 , stay jongkok di luar dengan tampang memelas dan ternyata ga berhasil . dunia memang kejam.akhirnya makan makanan beku 7eleven jadi pilihan.


di tengah jadwal lomba debat yang padat. kita bisa jg jalan-jalan. tapi emang karena ada faktor lain yang menyebabkan kita punya waktu lebih. lupakan. 
next, sernado square. banyak bangunan -bangunan portugis dan pasar-pasar . yang jelas yang paling diingat adalah nikmatnya makan egg tart 7 patacas di depan st. paul ruin.gigitan luarnya renyah terus isinya hangat dan enak. 

transportasi umum disana ada taxi yang supirnya ekstrim ngebutnya , bis kota, entah apa istilah portugisnya. trus ada beca juga di sana.
mngenai transportasi banyak seklai hal yang menarik. padahal ada petunjuk yang lumayan jelas tentag gimana balik ke taipa , daerah hotel kita yang seberang macau harus lewat jembatan panjang. dengan pedenya karena kebingungan no bis berapa aku naik satu satu ke bis yang berhenti dan nanya ke supirnya 
" mr! Taipa? taipa square?? " dengan logat sok penduduk local yang kebanyakan pake bahasa mandarin. supirnya geleng geleng. 
trus aku turun dari bus , datang bus lain naik lagi, dan melontarkan pertanyaan yang sama dan ini akhirnya di jawab supirnya "no, three three" dengan pake dua tanga menunjukan angka 33 yaitu nomor bis yang bener buat ke taipa.  terus turun lagi dan akhirnya dapat bis yang bener. karena waktu ke senado square cuma dengan teman 1, dia tidak berkomentar dan ikut saja tanpa berkontribusi. 


selanjutnya, keaneh selanjutnya terjadi. selang beberapa lama di bis. saya mendengar suara perempuan yang saya kenal, suara yang biasanya di pake buat ngegombal cowok, contoh gombalan nya: " hey, you're face like an actor! ya  , you really like '...' in gossip girl!" atau " ...." ok, saya lupa. 
lanjut, dan kemudian saya dan teman 1 berpikir ga mungkin dia ada di sini, mungkin kita hanya berhalusinasi. bimsalbim. tiba-tiba si suspect beneran dia si teman 2 beserta teman 3 , padahal kita sama sekali ga komunikasi lewat telpon atau sms. luar biasa. seakan semesta membantu mempersatukan kami. hah. lupakan saja. 


cerita lain tentang transportasi, taxi! taxi sangat sangat susah di suruh berhenti. sombongnya nauzubillah. seriously, padahal tu taxi kosong, karena ga ngerti kita ngomong apa dia langsung aja geleng dan pergi tanpa dosa. 
dan pernah pas kita bareng temen lain yang beda hotel naik taxi, rencananya trus mau nganter dia dulu baru nganter kita. full tuh supir ga bisa ngerti omongan kita. dan begonya aku juga ngomong terbalik balik


saya : best view hotel (logat penduduk local)
supir : *&*()^&(%^% ----> bahasa mandarin
teman 2 : best western ci! 
saya : grand western! best view! eh best western
supir :(&%(^&$%*$#% (nada bicara meningkat)
saya : O)^(&%^*  (mencoba marah bahasa mereka dan menunjukan arah, yang untungnya          bener)
 supir : (ngebut) 
 trus nyampe si supir malah marah-marahs sambil tunjukin telponnya. 
saya : no problem! no problem! you take here first, and take me there (sambil nunjuk ga jelas)
supir : (geleng geleng) (^$&%$*^&* ---> sangat marah sepertinya
saya : (kebawa emosi) haiyooo!! I pay you here ! I pay you there also!!! 
supir (geleng-geleng lagi)
saya : OKAY! I PAY YOU DOUBLE, DOUBLE HAA ( nunjukin angka 2) 
supir : (geleng-geleng, bukain pintu mobil)
teman 2 : udahlah ci, turun aja 


kita turun di jalan, dan bukan hotel kita pula, dan dengan sangat tidak ada rasa kemanusiaannya, teman 1 dan 2 menertawakan saya. dan mengulang-ngulang adegan tadi secara continue kalo liat muka saya. padahal aku tuh hanya mau menolong mereka juga, menjadi orang yang mencoooba beradaptasi dengan penduduk local.


selanjutnya, ak ga pernah duduk disebelah supir atau pun nyari taxi lagi. ketiban sial terus. nasib saya kali ya.


malam terakhir di macau, kita ke casino, karena penasaran. kita ke mgm. penasaran kayak apa kasino, ga ngerti gambling kita pelotin aja orang main . lama-lama kayaknya petugasnya liatin, dan itu serem. kita keluar lagi. dan foto-foto di luarnya yang ada air mancurnya, maklum di jogja ga ada kayak gini. 


itu hanya segelitir cerita tentang 4 wanita cantik berpetualang di asian las vegas ini. perkotaan rame di seputaran kasino dan gedung-gedung lampunya kelap-kelip. nenek-nenek pake tongkat masi juga ada yang gambling. ah begitulah. susah cari kalimat penutup. ya udah saya tutup cerita ini . wasalam.

thinking of life (repost)

when i open my eyes and wake up
i have to realise something in my life
that sun cant always keep shining for me
sometimes, clouds hide sun to shine
sometimes, skies cry by the rain fall

when i close my eyes and sleep
i have to belive this day was over, tomorrow might come
the time keep passin by, whatever i did.
it let me think: i must keep on trying do my best
and facing this unpredictable world!

(dec'09. daisy)