when I'm about to enter my second year at college, thing that cross my mind is that what am I going to do after all of these done. done with all exam, gpa, all of academic learning stuff. am I going to continue study to get higher degree or what. the easiest thing is that if I am going to continue my study, get higher degree, then become a lecturer. it doesnt seem bad, but actually, I think there is also another process that I have to face. earn money for leaving, work! when I am getting older and closer to that stage seems it really hard. profit gain, loss. it never getting easy as what I thought when I am so much younger than this.
if I take a look what going on in my life, I am sure that all on track. good college result, nor in rich or poor family. I know it would never last forever. at some stage, I have to struggle, feel pain, and loss by myself. look at me now, all depend on my parent. I even don't know what happen to my life as long as I am happy. such a huge ignorant that hardly now come up to surface, and now I am scared.
I always thinking that everything would turn out fine, and I let the destiny that shows itself not me that brought it up to existence. truth, that I end up doing nothing to raise, seek, or find what I looking for. It was there in my mind, but only for the moment, and it vanish by the destiny appear or parent tell me what to do. yes, I do have a choices, but do I have courage. I think it is not even bigger then my dreams. what people might think, what pleases my parent, what pleases my family always bugging in my head, and I just let what they think should happen, happen. as simple as that. as long as I live and grown up, the huge thing that I decided my self was coloring my hairs. it just stupid. I think, here right in this society we are all planned to be like this accepted destiny that created by the people. even the individual freedom is exist, but the individual itself that create a boundaries to not step into that kind of freedom.
this is where I am, so what I supposed to do in life is close my eyes and let it happen. perhaps learn more to know deeply what exactly what I want and turn out to make me happy for the entire life. I think, this is a life learning process. lesson learned from the past mistakes or digging what inside yourself. It's only the matter of time. what else I can say?
